Before I wrote this, I wanted to take a few days to think about the event as a whole. How did I feel after it? What did I like? What did I dislike? Should I even comment on it? If I comment on it, what should my approach be? Obviously, I decided to comment, and my approach is that of an honest, constructive criticism. Pointing out the good and the bad, and not forgetting the over all context of the event, in terms of where it took place (Corvallis) and in terms of the group hosting/presiding over the event (.NAACP).
First, I wanted to say that I think it's great that this event happened in Corvallis at all. It's not a sign that "all the problems are fixed", but it's a start. I'm guessing the majority of towns and cities in Oregon aren't having events like this at all, so it DOES mean something that the City of Corvallis is willing to engage in the conversation. I believe that when the effort is made, it should be recognized. And if that effort comes from a sincere place from within the individual and in the collective minds of the people putting forth the effort, then that effort should be applauded. So, to the people who engaged in a conversation on racial equality in a sincere way, I applaud you and your effort. To the people who engaged in the dialogue, but did so only for personal gain (maybe for nothing more than the hopes of a few extra votes in an election for "just showing up", for example), I acknowledge your effort, but question its sincerity.
I'll
Now, what did I think of the event itself? I won't get into the minute by minute details, or give any kind of synopsis of the event. But I'm going to do some quick highlights and lowlights (in my opinion) of the night, in a list format.
1) Highlight: Hearing two African-American women give their testimonials on some of the bias and racism they have encountered out here. They stood up there, shared their stories in an honest and sincere manner, and I view them as incredibly brave for doing that. It's important that people hear those stories, so they don't forget that racism still exists even in their own backyard. Even in a town like Corvallis (which is otherwise a sort of "All-American idyllic town" stereotype. Picket fences, relatively low crime, etc.).
(I didn't include the names of ladies who shared their stories here , because I noticed the Corvallis Gazette Times article on the event didn't use their names. I chose to not print their names out of respect for any possible request for "print press anonymity" they may have made).
2)Lowlight: I felt the panel discussion had little to no heft in terms of actually discussing the African-American struggle and plight for equality here (or anywhere, for that matter). There was a good amount of discussion about things like improving Latino/Latina graduation rates (which is good!), but I never heard any similar statistics or plans for African-Americans.
I was disappointed to hear one of the panel members discuss how they felt about discrimination they faced for being short, but.... I guess I just never hear about people being unjustly locked up for being short. I don't hear about people not getting college degrees or not getting jobs for being short. I felt the comments about being short were put in for levity, but this wasn't a comedy show. There are short people of every race, and the discussion was about race, not height. Did I have to go to court for having valid car insurance because I was tall? No. Did I have a cop, during the middle of the day, jump out of his car and approach me with his hand on his holster while I was sitting in front of my apartment on a sunny day because I'm tall? No. (I guess he approached me like that because there was a supposed break in in one of the businesses [that were open for business hours at the time] in front of my place. It was... weird. I kept my hands visible at all times and made sure to give my whole name. After a few second long investigation, it apparently turned out that there was no break in..). Did kids at OSU and people on the street call me "n___r"or "n___aaaaaa" because I'm tall? No. Have I been made fun of in my life for my height? Yes (especially when I was younger and I was still gawky and clumsy), but it wasn't the same.
That's just one example of how I felt the individual presentations from panel members got...off-track. How it felt that the conversation was deflected away from African-American rights in favour of conversational fluff. There were a few instances where the conversation didn't necessarily steer towards fluff, but it also didn't steer towards African-American rights and equality either.
3) Lowlight: Some occasional noises from me.. I (probably inappropriately) applauded too loud when one of the panelists said something along the lines of "We don't really have a plan to deal with this issue", and to clarify... I applauded because the comment was at least honest. At times I feel like, instead of just saying "I don't know what to do next, can you give me advice?", people throw out comments like "Oh, that's something we're looking at"or "It's an issue we're paying more attention to" without really explaining what that means or if there's any sincerity behind those words. I mean that in general, and I'm not saying it specifically about this particular event, or its participants. It's just an observation..
I also (probably too loudly) laughed at a few comments. I wasn't trying to laugh at people speaking. in a snarky way...it's just some times certain things they said ran so contrary to my personal experience, that I just...sort of reacted with a laugh.
4) Highlight: I thought it was great that so many people showed up, of all races. I thought it was great that the Corvallis community leaders who took part in the panel agreed to do so. I'm sure any one of them could've found some excuse (valid or not) to not take part, but they all showed up.
All in all: the event was what it was. It was a starting point, but it wasn't "the event that changed everything, forever".
I spoke before about some of the bad interactions I've had with police here. But I've also had some good interactions, too. For example, one night I my truck broke down, and a cop pulled up. At first he seemed kind of shook by...I don't know. He had his hand on his holster. But once we got to talking about my situation and the ID and insurance were passed off.... he let me get out and pop the hood and check the particulars of my break down while he did what he had to do with my info in his cruiser. This wasn't too long after one of my... less awesome... encounters with police out here, so it meant a lot to me that he trusted me enough to be out of the vehicle and under the hood AT NIGHT! Those seemingly little things matter. That little bit of trust from a cop who's actions seemingly show that thinks that I'm going to be a good, normal, moral person as opposed to a potential/suspected thief. That goes a long way. At least with me it does.
(I appreciate that cops DO have to regularly deal with crazy meth-heads and such out here, so I understand why they can be...shall we say... cautious. But being that I've never done meth or anything like that, and being that I'm not a violent person at all... well, you get the drift. )
I also wanted to take the time to make a quick apology to one of the ladies who shared her story of discrimination. After the event, I went and thanked her for telling her story. Unfortunately, I was... emotional...enough to where I kind of fell into what I call my "namsayin" voice. I don't know how to explain it. Sometimes when I get a bit emotional, I end up talking kind of... I guess "ghetto", going by what others say. At the time, I was kind of emotional because I was upset about some of the things I DIDN'T hear from the panel. I was trying to hold a lot of that disappointment and discouragement in while I was talking to her, and I just slipped into that voice and just kind of rambled and muttered. I probably seemed a little crazy, and so I just wanted to make a public apology for that. I try to "speak better"(read: be more articulate) all the time, and I always try to be coherent, but in this case I probably just sounded sort of crazy. So: I'm sorry if I sounded crazy, ma'am!
I'll also add, that hearing this specific lady's experience made me feel kind of...emotional, too. Especially in the context of how the panel subsequently kind of washed over the race issue after hearing her story. I'll be honest in that I tend to emote more when I hear someone else's problems more-so than I do when talking about my own problems. Part of that comes from my being taught to care about others more than myself (to an unhealthy degree). The rest comes from a place where I was taught that I couldn't complain about my problems. If I complained about having to work and pay my "parents", I was told how I was so lucky.... because. If I screamed "Stop" when I was getting sexually abused, I got laughed at. If I try to confront Bill and Claudia with the things they did in the past, they ignore me. So I get more emotional about other peoples pain than my own. So trying to trigger me by using my personal pain doesn't really bring out my "ghetto voice" too much. I just kind of state it "matter-of-factly".
Anyway, I'm glad this event happened, and I hope it leads to many more similar events that only improve upon any gains (slight or large) that came from having this particular event.